i guess im ok.
i mean i still havent accepted the fact that she's gone.
she was my sister. and it just completely shocks me.
she was soo young.
everyone is kinda ata lose for words right now.
we are taking care of what needs to be done.
but i dont think anyway has really sat down and talked about what happened.
maybe justin (her husband) and his mom and family have talked about it.
but i know my side of the family really hasnt. (step mom, mom dad etc. )
im not sure what to do.
the funeral isnt until friday.
and i really dont want to be stuck at home to think.
i cant think about it right now.
i havent accepted it yet. atleast i dont think i have. idk.
maybe when i go to the funeral i finally will.
i am honestly still in shock.
its scary. how fast your world can get flipped upside down.
its all a waiting game now i guess.
i most of the arrangements have been made and everything.
i really do need to get out of the house this week.
i cant stay at home.
especailly with how upset my step mother has been.
she hasnt helped.
everyone is worried that im just blocking this out. and that im shuting down.
maybe i am.
but i dont think so.
i've always been the type to deal with thing by myself.
in the privacy of my own room and alone.
and i havent gone through it i nmy head and what.
yea i've had my mental break downs already.
there are more to come im sure.
but i got to find some one to hang with or something.
being in this house just waiting around.
its gonna kill me.
im not a patient person.
i get aggitated easy and idk.
im starting to repeat my self.
im just rambling i guess.
rambling helps.
getting out what i want to say or what ever.
i'll post another entry on wednesday.
to keep my friends up to date on how im doing i guess.
idk............